In between weekends of supreme joy and adventure, there have been times where I just needed to take a break to gain a little perspective. Many times up to this point, I’ve come very close to stopping entirely – but that would mean going back to the life I was living before I decided to gallivant around the country in a conversion van. In my mind, and my heart, that isn’t an option. I can’t go backwards. Self doubt and fears creep in, whether I want them to or not, and begin to eat away at everything I do; my motives for the journey, the work I’m doing along the way, all of it is questioned on a fairly regular basis. Being a nomad over a long period of time can be exhausting, and not always knowing where I’m going to end up staying for the night is extremely stressful. This being said, it’s also hugely rewarding – afterwards, when I can look back at what happened.
It’s not all Unicorns and Rainbows… the Down Times.
Adventures will never go exactly the way you want them to, but that’s the entire point, isn’t it? Within the experience and travel, I’ve find out more about myself than I ever expected. Not all of it has been pleasant, but it’s stuff that I’ve needed to be aware of and deal with. I’m finding that I’m adapting to and overcoming possible negative situations more quickly, which I’m hugely thankful for. It’s a very large bonus, in my eyes, and was one of the things that I was hoping to attain in myself on this trip. The only other choice is giving up and going home, to wherever that ends up being. I’m not ready for home to be static yet, so onward I press.
When it’s been a particularly overwhelming weekend of experiencing the sights, sounds and people that I’ve encountered, at a certain point, my emotional system seems to shut down and becomes no longer capable of processing joy and awe. It gets to be too much, and I end up just wanting to sleep, to let my system rest to restore it so that I can continue on the journey fresh the next time I head out. Several times throughout the journey, I’ve broken down in tears and complete exuastion by the end of a travel weekend. And sometimes, I just tear up looking at some of the amazing sights I’ve seen, because they were almost too beautiful to be true.
The ups far outweigh the downs, and the feedback that I’ve been getting about the trip reports and the pictures has been very much appreciated. There have been people that have invited me into their homes after just meeting me, and that just blows me away. I do my best to honor that trust as best I can, and to be an impeccable houseguest. The ritual of set up and tear down from place to place is becoming much more compressed and efficient as time goes on.
I’m working on uploading the pictures and doing the trip report for the adventure this past weekend, and should be able to post them soon.
I want to thank all of you for following this blog, and hope that you’re enjoying my adventures with me. I’m really happy that I’m able to share them.