DC High Heel Drag Races: Rundown

The DC High Heel Drag Race was PACKED. The crowds were damn near impassible at points, and 17th street had been entirely blocked off from S to P. In Hindsight, we probably shouldn’t have gone ANYWHERE near JR’s – the bar sponsoring the event. Next year, if I go I’ll make sure to stay on the Dupont Circle side of the event so we can get the hell out quickly. I don’t do well with crowds, and I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did with all the jostling and the constant, “Move back, move back, everybody’s gotta move back” that was going on. Lots of irritation and agitation – what fun.

A short rundown of the costumes we saw:

Princess Di (this was FLAWLESS. She didn’t break character at all as she walked around with her security agents getting her picture taking with the great unwashed masses)
Sonny and Cher in their old TV personas
Dame Edna (sans gladiolas)
Anna Nicole Smith
Endora (LOVED this one, but then I simply ADORE Agnes Moorehead)
Carmen Miranda Darth Vader (Basically a Darth Vader costume with the fruit headpiece and bright red opera gloves)
The Spice Girls (Posh had *amazing* legs, and yes, they were dancing around to their own music and apparently knew all the steps from the videos)
The workout queens (Suzanne Somers, Susan Powter, Jane Fonda, Richard Simmons and someone else that I couldn’t recognize. Might’ve been Raquel Welch, but I can’t be sure)
The Disney Princesses

Then there was a group done up as several Parker Brothers games: Twister, Yahtzee!, Candy Land, Monopoly. The headpieces were enormous glitter encrusted game pieces and were wonderfully done. I just kept hoping that they’d take the headpieces off for the run, otherwise they’d be destroyed. It truly was a thing of beauty. There were also lots of Ugly Betties and several Marilyn Monroes running around, one with that famous dress that she kept pulling up to reveal bulgy tighty whiteys. A guy in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport police getup was pushing around somebody dressed up as Senator Larry Craig who was situated on a toilet with his pants around his ankles. When the Spice Girls came over and started dancing, he got up and started dancing as well. There was also a great lineup of cheerleaders that had very flash moves.

Mayor Fenty also showed up, causing much swooning in the high school girls in front of us. They were all, “OMG! Mayor Fenty! I’m WET!” He was looking pretty suave with his fancy ass hat, but he wasn’t all that, ladies. Politicians=wetness – hurr. They crowded around him like the little suburban sproglings they were and got their picture taken, then giggled all the way back to the curb.

Not wanting to be caught in the ensuing crush caused by the crowd as it fled after the race was over, chaoticgoddess and I did our best to find an exit, but kept being thwarted by bar security assholes and bikes that were arranged in the most inconvenient of places. WTF was that all about? I’m sure there were a couple injuries because of those fucking things. We finally made it to an alleyway without me having to stab anybody and turned to see wigs flying furiously above the tops of the heads of the crowd. If I go next year, I’m going to find somebody on the strip with a good view that I can hang out with so we can watch from the window. Fuck that crowd noise again.

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