Random IM fun: IM ‘romance’ bots

While I’m not really sure if this is a ‘bot’ as much as a generic idiot that sends out the same form letter to all the ladies, I present to all gathered: exhibit A.

Hello, With full respect i introduce myself to you. my name is KEN. I was born at ROCKVILLE , MD. i schooled in Nigeria, i have a younger sister called Ndidi and brother called Kelvin who are schooling right now in Nigeria at the University of Lagos Nigeria. my dad died when i was very younger, my mom has been trying to raise and train me and my younger once to school. now i am a grown man ready for marriage but looking for a true love. i believe in my heart that you could be the one of my heart after i recieve your reply. Remember i am in Nigeria now for a visit. as i said i came to visit mom who was sick but now she is perfectly OK. I JUST WANNA SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER BEFORE COMING BACK. BUT BEFORE THAN WE NEED TO TALK MORE.

— Let’s deconstruct it, shall we?

First off, he puts his name – if indeed KEN is his real name, in all caps. Then, he follows by putting his birthplace in all caps. I’m wondering if this is just a Mad Libs kind of form letter, and that he doesn’t know how to turn off his capslock.

Oddly enough, his ‘sister’ is named Ndidi, whereas this choice dating selection has been bestowed with the powerful, very ‘African’ name KEN. This, I find confusing at best.

Next – “i believe in my heart that you could be the one of my heart after i recieve your reply.” – What reply? Dude, you IM’d me.

Then, he further confuses the issue by stating that he’s gone back to Nigeria to be with his sick mom, then seems to get all CAPS defensive, as if I’m personally giving him grief for not getting home quick enough. It almost has a, “Jesus, lady, calm the hell down – I SAID my mom was SICK ok? Why bitches always gotta be sweatin’?” kind of tone.

I responded asking him what the hell he was talking about, but haven’t received a response. I’m figuring that he’ll tell me about a bank account in the Cayman Islands that I could get $15mil out of, if only I’d sign a couple of documents.

Why don’t they learn?

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