Yesterday, Chief, my friend Kira and I went to our friend George’s 14th annual Halloween Drag Party. We tarted Chief up like an enormous goth girl from hell, using a pillow roll for bewbs. It had little tassles on each side of it, so he kinda looked like he was a lymphoma victim, but he pulled the look off admirably. Kira put two saftey pins in the area of what could be considered ‘nipples’ on the shirt outside the pillows, and Chief said, “Isn’t that a bit much?” Considering what he was wearing already, we found this understandably hilarious.

I found these spidery eyelashes for him and did his makeup as all black and white. After covering his face in metallic Ben Nye powder, he looked like a goth robot girl of sorts – but it actually worked on him. We also painted his fingernails black, ‘for effect’. He kept pulling hair out of his face from the little black trails of the CVS Halloween (Witch/Cher) Wig he picked up, and I kept wanting to sing Halfbreed” to him.

Kira dressed up as Eminem, with long snap-up track pants and a garish yellow FUBU t-shirt, complete with bling chains and gold glasses. She looked fabulous and kept doing little breakdancey moves all night. I went as Gomez Addams, and apparently make quite an interesting looking man. I dolled myself up in a black pinstripe suit with an off white dress shirt that was five sizes too big for me, and a nice tie. I greased my hair back with Pomade, and pulled it all back into a low ponytail that turned the inside of the shirt collar a festive pink as I danced and sweated the color down my neck. We found almost everything for our costumes at the same Thrift Store on Georgia Avenue. I’m going to HAVE to go back there sometime. It’s the best thrift store I’ve ever been in.

On our way to the party, we had to stop for ‘refreshments’. I ended up going into Barrel Liquors in Dupont alone because both Chief and Kira didn’t want anybody else to see them. Several seconds after I entered the store, ‘More Than a Woman’ started playing on the stereo, effectively setting the tone for the rest of the night. It played the entire time I was in the likka stow. When I got back to the car, I told Chief and Kira about it, and we all started laughing. Chief said, “You totally should’ve come out and gotten us, and we would’ve come in and queened it up to the song!” We got to the party, and it was a total blast. George, our fierce hostess with the mostest, was all done up in a sequined dress, with faux squeezy boobs and very slutty lucite heels. It was brilliant. He looked gorgeous. Another woman showed up looking like Truman Capote. Everybody looked awesome!

I now know why men wear ties and fuck with them all the time. It’s IRRESISTABLE! I kept adjusting the damn thing all night. Oh, and the pants had NO LINING, and were very scratchy. They were tight in the legs, and I kept having to haul them up whenever I sat down. We tried putting a ‘bulge’ in the trousers, but it would’ve slid all over the place throughout the night, and I just wasn’t that dedicated to the idea of having a wandering ‘mutant penis’ with which to scare off the ladies. It also looked like I had a lumpy cancer grapefruit in my pants, which was more scary than appealing, so I went without. I was startled at how well the suit fit, but the enormous dress shirt I fairly swam in all night hid the bewbs very nicely, so I didn’t have to strap them down at all. I had drawn a thin moustache across my upper lip in eyeliner, and throughout the night was positive that I was smearing it all over the rest of my face. I ended up with lots of lip marks on my cheeks from all the amorous boys in drag, and this made me happy. Nobody at the party recognized me at first, which was a laugh.

We didn’t bring a camera, but there were many people with cams and camcorders at the party that have film and footage. I’m going to see if I can beg a couple of pictures from them so that I can post them here. All in all – kickass party. We’re totally going to go next year.

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