Monthly Archives: October 2005

Trip to Columbia – day 2/3

Yesterday, we headed out of the city to the coastline to visit a really beautiful lagoonside restaurant that served awesome fish soup and main courses. There was a sandbar about a hundred yards out from the restaurant, where lots of little huts sat along the bar. People would drive cars and motorbikes along the sandbar, and you could watch the ocean pound against it while little white birds plucked fish out of the lagoon towards us. While there, we ended up meeting several santera/os that happened to come by for dinner, and we all formed a huge dinner table and I listened to everybody talk about the religion throughout the night. That´s another thing I love about this place. People will join you in a heartbeat and start these really great conversations, as if you´re long lost friends that haven´t seen each other in years. I understood some of what was being said, and madrina helped to translate some of it, but after a while I think my brain tired of trying to translate because I started nodding off at the table.

One of the women at the table smiled at me and suggested that I should sleep in one of the many hammocks throughout the restaurant, so I did. I pretty much passed out with a belly full of delicious fish, then woke up later when the sun had gone down, covered by mosquito bites. Apparently, I´m very tasty.

Today, we´re going to Santa Marta to go swim in the ocean, and will likely stay there for a couple of days. I don´t know if they have internet access where we´re going to be staying, so I won´t be able to update until I get back to the hotel here in Barranquilla.

Along the coast, the ocean along with the backdrop of the mountains is breathtaking. I haven´t taken any pictures yet – I´ve only got three cameras with 27 exposures each, so I´m waiting to take the pictures. I´ll put them online when I get back.

Trip to Colombia – day 1

We´ve arrived at Hotel Royal in Barranquilla, and the first thing that stands out is all of the public transit buses.

They all totally look like Luche Libre wrestlers. They´re all so colorful, but everybody here drives like they´re insane. People constantly run red lights, and avoid the fact that there are actual lines on the road delineating where you´re supposed to go. Also, there are tons of motorcycles, dirt bikes and scooters on the highway darting in between enormous trucks and buses. It´s horrifying, yet fascinating at the same time. So many people wearing shorts, t-shirts and no helmets riding at breakneck speed that I think my head´s going to explode.

It´s zany.

The people here are amazing. When somebody falls down or needs help, almost everybody around gathers to help out – and everybody´s very friendly and solicitous. The hotel that we´re staying in has internet access, so I thought I´d get on and let everybody know that I got to Colombia safely. I´ll make online updates as much as possible. Tomorrow, I think we´re going to the beach at Barranquila, then we´re going to Cartagena, Santa Marta and a bunch of other places throughout the week.

November 2nd is Dia de Los Muertos, and apparently everybody in the city goes to the cemetaries all night long to light candles and talk to their loved ones. I´m really looking forward to it. It should be really powerful.

Oh, and the news channels are all talking about hurricane Beta, but it´s not going to hit here, so fear not. And even if it does, I´ve brought enough toilet paper and baby wipes to populate the entire country.

Random IM fun: IM ‘romance’ bots

While I’m not really sure if this is a ‘bot’ as much as a generic idiot that sends out the same form letter to all the ladies, I present to all gathered: exhibit A.

Hello, With full respect i introduce myself to you. my name is KEN. I was born at ROCKVILLE , MD. i schooled in Nigeria, i have a younger sister called Ndidi and brother called Kelvin who are schooling right now in Nigeria at the University of Lagos Nigeria. my dad died when i was very younger, my mom has been trying to raise and train me and my younger once to school. now i am a grown man ready for marriage but looking for a true love. i believe in my heart that you could be the one of my heart after i recieve your reply. Remember i am in Nigeria now for a visit. as i said i came to visit mom who was sick but now she is perfectly OK. I JUST WANNA SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER BEFORE COMING BACK. BUT BEFORE THAN WE NEED TO TALK MORE.

— Let’s deconstruct it, shall we?

First off, he puts his name – if indeed KEN is his real name, in all caps. Then, he follows by putting his birthplace in all caps. I’m wondering if this is just a Mad Libs kind of form letter, and that he doesn’t know how to turn off his capslock.

Oddly enough, his ‘sister’ is named Ndidi, whereas this choice dating selection has been bestowed with the powerful, very ‘African’ name KEN. This, I find confusing at best.

Next – “i believe in my heart that you could be the one of my heart after i recieve your reply.” – What reply? Dude, you IM’d me.

Then, he further confuses the issue by stating that he’s gone back to Nigeria to be with his sick mom, then seems to get all CAPS defensive, as if I’m personally giving him grief for not getting home quick enough. It almost has a, “Jesus, lady, calm the hell down – I SAID my mom was SICK ok? Why bitches always gotta be sweatin’?” kind of tone.

I responded asking him what the hell he was talking about, but haven’t received a response. I’m figuring that he’ll tell me about a bank account in the Cayman Islands that I could get $15mil out of, if only I’d sign a couple of documents.

Why don’t they learn?

Childhood heroes – everybody had one. The biggest one I remember?

Wonder Woman.

She was beautiful, capable, intelligent, and – best of all she was fucking BUXOM. She was not another one of those women who looked like two oranges on a toothpick. Linda Carter had CURVES and wasn’t afraid to show them. I loved her character, her storyline, her amazing eyes and the little spinny thing she’d do before she transformed into Wonder Woman.

I’ve likely posted about this before, but since I’ve forgotten about that I’m going to repeat what would constitute an embarrasing ‘childhood moment’ for most. I remember collecting socks, shorts and other clothing items and heading out to the front yard. I’d hold the clothing tightly to my chest while I spun around, tossing out a sock here, a shirt there – pretending to transform into Wonder Woman. I always ended up dizzy and in the same clothes I started out in, but it was great fun nonetheless.

Yesterday, Chief, my friend Kira and I went to our friend George’s 14th annual Halloween Drag Party. We tarted Chief up like an enormous goth girl from hell, using a pillow roll for bewbs. It had little tassles on each side of it, so he kinda looked like he was a lymphoma victim, but he pulled the look off admirably. Kira put two saftey pins in the area of what could be considered ‘nipples’ on the shirt outside the pillows, and Chief said, “Isn’t that a bit much?” Considering what he was wearing already, we found this understandably hilarious.

I found these spidery eyelashes for him and did his makeup as all black and white. After covering his face in metallic Ben Nye powder, he looked like a goth robot girl of sorts – but it actually worked on him. We also painted his fingernails black, ‘for effect’. He kept pulling hair out of his face from the little black trails of the CVS Halloween (Witch/Cher) Wig he picked up, and I kept wanting to sing Halfbreed” to him.

Kira dressed up as Eminem, with long snap-up track pants and a garish yellow FUBU t-shirt, complete with bling chains and gold glasses. She looked fabulous and kept doing little breakdancey moves all night. I went as Gomez Addams, and apparently make quite an interesting looking man. I dolled myself up in a black pinstripe suit with an off white dress shirt that was five sizes too big for me, and a nice tie. I greased my hair back with Pomade, and pulled it all back into a low ponytail that turned the inside of the shirt collar a festive pink as I danced and sweated the color down my neck. We found almost everything for our costumes at the same Thrift Store on Georgia Avenue. I’m going to HAVE to go back there sometime. It’s the best thrift store I’ve ever been in.

On our way to the party, we had to stop for ‘refreshments’. I ended up going into Barrel Liquors in Dupont alone because both Chief and Kira didn’t want anybody else to see them. Several seconds after I entered the store, ‘More Than a Woman’ started playing on the stereo, effectively setting the tone for the rest of the night. It played the entire time I was in the likka stow. When I got back to the car, I told Chief and Kira about it, and we all started laughing. Chief said, “You totally should’ve come out and gotten us, and we would’ve come in and queened it up to the song!” We got to the party, and it was a total blast. George, our fierce hostess with the mostest, was all done up in a sequined dress, with faux squeezy boobs and very slutty lucite heels. It was brilliant. He looked gorgeous. Another woman showed up looking like Truman Capote. Everybody looked awesome!

I now know why men wear ties and fuck with them all the time. It’s IRRESISTABLE! I kept adjusting the damn thing all night. Oh, and the pants had NO LINING, and were very scratchy. They were tight in the legs, and I kept having to haul them up whenever I sat down. We tried putting a ‘bulge’ in the trousers, but it would’ve slid all over the place throughout the night, and I just wasn’t that dedicated to the idea of having a wandering ‘mutant penis’ with which to scare off the ladies. It also looked like I had a lumpy cancer grapefruit in my pants, which was more scary than appealing, so I went without. I was startled at how well the suit fit, but the enormous dress shirt I fairly swam in all night hid the bewbs very nicely, so I didn’t have to strap them down at all. I had drawn a thin moustache across my upper lip in eyeliner, and throughout the night was positive that I was smearing it all over the rest of my face. I ended up with lots of lip marks on my cheeks from all the amorous boys in drag, and this made me happy. Nobody at the party recognized me at first, which was a laugh.

We didn’t bring a camera, but there were many people with cams and camcorders at the party that have film and footage. I’m going to see if I can beg a couple of pictures from them so that I can post them here. All in all – kickass party. We’re totally going to go next year.