Monthly Archives: April 2005

When I was a wee bairn, I remember exploring the sewer tunnels of our neighborhood, wanting to know where they all led. I’d take little bags of food and a flashlight and jump into the nearest manhole. I remember making my merry way through everything from enormous pipes that you could stand all the way up in while you walked through them, all the way down to fairly small ones that you had to crawl through to get to the next section. Sometimes water would be running through the pipes, sometimes not. I don’t remember ever wondering what would happen if the pipes suddenly became flooded with water, however. It’s just not something you think about when you’re a kid, I guess. Or perhaps it was just me.

I remember wanting to live in the sewers, and being elated when the TV show Beauty and the Beast came out because it was exactly the kind of underside/Morlock kind of existance that I always felt particularly drawn to. I wasn’t as swept away by the whole ‘actual romance’ of the plot – just the sets. I think I actually had a plan to run away and make a little home in the sewers at one point.

I remember loving those expeditions – having one particularly beautiful moment when a large tunnel came out at the edge of a large pond/lake thing over by the community center. I sat and watched the lake for a while before heading back into the tunnels.

Years later, I read Stephen King’s IT, and shuddered.

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend lately.

I’m getting more and more private IM’s lately from conservative republican christians that view my Yahoo! profile and for whatever reason, they try to get all flirty. If there was more space on the profile for information, I could throw up several paragraphs that would *insure* that this crap never happened again, but with the limited space presented, I apparently come off as a ‘freaky, stylie hot republican catch’. Where people get this notion from is completely beyond me.

Strangely enough, most of my adult life has been packed with straightlaced square guys (or worse, married men seeking ‘tastefully discreet’ liasons) doing their best to try to ‘win me over’. The two times that I actually fell for it, they immediately started up insidious little manipulative games to try to rein me in, both socially and religiously – to make me a nice little ‘exciting but wifely’ type, which of course goes over very badly. Then, once the game is up and I call them on their crap, they get all, “Oh, I see. You liberals are all alike, never wanting to hear ‘the truth’ or be mature.”

Look, little neo-con boy whose taken it upon themselves to lecture me on the virtues of ‘maturity’ – I’m not the one that just threw themself repeatedly at a freak girl then had a tantrum when they realized that it wasn’t ‘just a costume’, or that she wasn’t doing it to shock the straights around her.

Bah.

Apparently, a talking Jesus with ‘movable limbs and hands that can grip objects’ – because Jesus apparently did a LOT of grappling in his day – is due to hit stores in May. Along with Jesus, the company ‘Messengers of Faith’ – a branch off of ‘Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co.’, will also be releasing talking versions of Moses and the Virgin Mary.

At a foot tall, the dolls could totally go toe to toe with the GI Joe dolls released in the 80’s.

I can just imagine Jesus and Mary screaming, “COOOOOOOBRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” now.

Best. Plastic. Doll. Battle. Ever.

Already, the day has been too long.

A german penis too long, to be specific.

To clarify – I usually get AIMs from people in Europe with the standard, “Ur hott – A/S/L?” crap. Usually, I just close the window and go on my merry way. This morning, I recieve an IM from a guy in germany, apparently, who has also brought it upon himself to ‘cam’ me – IE, send a cam ‘invite’. I’m at work, and the last time I checked, Trillian didn’t work with Yahoo! cam, so I go to close the notice out, after telling the guy that I don’t ‘cam’ or look at ‘cams’, especially at work.

I click on the little box at the right hand corner of the screen, and immediately the vivid image of a vibrating german boner pops into view.

Because Murphy’s law comes into full effect when these kinds of things happen, it of course locks my machine up for a minute or so while I click around the screen like a mad fiend in an attempt to dispell the image of said boner. After it’s gone, I’m positive that – for a moment, my heart has surely stopped.

Why, generic penis cam man in Germany – WHY?

I’m almost sure that I’ve never done anything to intimate that I ‘enjoyed’ such a thing as watching a strange man’s wobbly bits on grainy film over the internet. Was it a scare tactic? Something as innocent as, “BOO! Are you now aroused?”. Good grief.